Chasing the Darkness
by diaryoftheclinicallyinsane
Summary: The darkness is always right there, taking over Kurt's life. He needs to find a way to deal with it but at what cost will he find his salvation?
1. I Will Follow You

_[A/N]: So this is just a quick little author's note, the big one is at the bottom. This fic has some mature themes, that's why it's rated M...so if you can't handle self-harming I am suggesting that you don't read this... Like always reviews are always welcomed, I love, love, love hearing from you guys and I hope you enjoy this little one-shot. :)_

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><p>I knew that retaliating hadn't been the best option, but really...what else could I do? Just sit there and take it? Not acknowledge that I was being singled out because of my sexuality? No...That wouldn't do. So I had done what I thought was best at the time, I ran after Karofsky, barging through the locker room with all my might.<p>

That's when things started to get a little hazy. I had been so angry then, that every time i tried to look back, everything was fuzzy and unclear. I remember some things, like calling Karofsky a ham hock...or something. And I remember telling him that he couldn't change me no matter what. But what I distinctly remember was the feeling of rough hands scratching my skin, chapped lips moved without experience against mine. Just as suddenly as the lips had been on mine they were gone. What. The actual. Fuck. Did that just happen? I saw the big body move towards me again but I had finally regained the use of my body and pushed Karofsky away from me.

My mind went fuzzy again after that, numb all the way through. But that was just the beginning, if I had known what I was in for I would have just stayed at McKinley.

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><p>I had been at Dalton for about two weeks when it happened. The cute senior from Warblers had finally come up to me. It was well known that he was gay, and a heartbreaker, but I couldn't care less, he was gorgeous, and he was hitting on me. Not just hitting on me, I realized. He had just asked me out on a date for tonight. And I had said yes! This was the clearest my head had felt since...well since the <em>Karofsky Incident...<em>as I had taken to calling it. Ever since that time in the locker room my mind had been a little hazy. I had figured that it would go away in time but the only time I ever really saw clearly was when I was with Blaine, or right now. But I saw Blaine walking towards me with a concerned expression on his face, so I temporarily put aside my excited feelings and paid attention to him.

"Hey Blaine."

"Hey Kurt...Did Anthony just ask you out?" The look on Blaine's face was starting to set me on edge. He looked so...alarmed.

"Yeah...Is that a problem?" My voice came out a little bitchier than I intended, and I saw Blaine visibly recoil from it.

"You've heard the stories about him, why did you agree?" Okay so Blaine was really started to get on my nerves. I was finally thinking clearly! I didn't want him to bring me down from this clarity and he was ruining it!

"I'm a big boy Blaine. I can take care of myself and I certainly don't need you telling me who I can or can't date." The concerned look was wiped completely off of Blaine's face, replaced by anger instead.

"You can handle...Really Kurt? You can handle yourself? Like how you handled the bullying at McKinley? Or how about how you handled Karofsky? Did you _handle_ that?" I sucked in a large breath at the mention of Karofsky. Blaine knew that subject was off-limits, yet he deliberately threw it in my face.

"Fuck. You." I gritted through my teeth, "I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't need your help, so just leave. Me. Alone!" I shouted the last word, pushing past Blaine and stomping down the hallway without looking back. I was going to go get ready for my date, and I was going to have an awesome time tonight.

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><p>It was about five hours later when I heard the knock on my door. I practically ran to the door to open it up, and Anthony was leaning against my door frame, looking as handsome as ever. I was still a bit shaken from my fight with Blaine and just wanted to get this date started.<p>

"Hey Anthony." I sounded breathless; oh God I hoped breathless was good.

"Hey Kurt." The charming, debonair smile that seemed to _belong_ on Anthony's face showed itself; making me knees weaken a little.

"So...where are we going tonight?" Anthony just raised an eyebrow at me.

"I thought that we could stay here?" He must have seen my confusion because he instantly set out to ease it. "I just don't want to share you, I want you to be all mine tonight." An almost feral smile broke out across his face. I ignored it and brought him into my single room, leading him to the couch.

We were halfway through Moulin Rouge when I felt Anthony kiss my jaw. It surprised me at first, but after a few more kisses I decided that it was fine. Anthony kept kissing me jaw, my neck, anything his lips could reach. Finally I became too distracted and had to turn away from the movie, letting him kiss me full on the mouth. It started out as a chaste kiss, but quickly turned more erotic. Our tongues were battling for dominance and hey, look at that, I was getting that clarity that I so desperately craved.

A few more minutes, or hours for all i knew, passed and then Anthony's hand was on my thigh, creeping closer and closer towards my...well...growing problem. I felt him undo the zipper of my pants and that's when I finally snapped out of it.

"What are you doing?" I asked as i broke away from his mouth.

"Shh...It's going to be fine. Just relax." His hand started to work its way into my pants, and okay that was enough of that.

"Anthony, I'm not that kind of guy." My mind was started to get hazy again, everything around me receding into grays. I saw something change in his eyes, that feral look was back and it was terrifying me.

"You seemed like _that kind of guy_ a few minutes ago when you had your tongue shoved down my throat. Is this what you do Kurt? String boys along with those big blue eyes of yours and leave them out to dry?" I tried to move away, but all of Anthony's weight was right over top of me, making it impossible to move.

"N-no...I didn't mean to strong you along!" I was started to get really scared. The look in Anthony's eyes wasn't leaving and it was beginning to make me re-think my choices.

"Like hell you didn't! I see how you look at me and how you flirt with me! You do not get to say no, Kurt. Not with me." And with that Anthony grabbed both my wrists in one hand and shoved his hand back in my pants. I tried to fight back and squirm away, but Anthony took the hand that was palming at my underwear and back handed me. I felt the ring on his finger cut into my eyebrow and then suddenly everything was crystal clear again. I felt a drop of blood run down the side of my face as he once again reached back in my pants.

It wasn't that I wanted this, but my body seemed to be responding to Anthony's massaging and all the body was running from my head downward. I desperately wished that I wasn't hard, maybe that would make Anthony stop. But it didn't matter because I was hard, and Anthony wasn't stopping and he was right over top of me whispering in my ear.

"Oh yeah...Mmm...you are so fucking beautiful...come for me, Kurt." I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing to every deity out there that this would please just stop. Someone out there must have heard my pleas because not two minutes later I finally came, feeling Anthony do the same a few seconds after.

Anthony lay there over top of me for a few more seconds, breathing heavily and sweating from exertion. I kept my eyes closed and tried desperately to pretend that this had never happened. I felt the heavy weight on top of me leave and heard the sound of the door opening and closing.

I was still trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I had just been raped...That's what it was right? I mean, I had told him to stop and he didn't so it was rape. I felt strangely calm and empty for someone who had just been so violated.

I curled up on my couch, slipping out of my come-stained underwear and pulling a blanket over top of me. Maybe this was all just a dream.

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><p>I woke up the next morning thinking that yes, it <em>had<em> all been a dream. My illusion was shattered when I saw the title screen for Moulin Rouge on my TV and my stained underwear on the floor beside my couch. I still couldn't bring myself to feel anything though. If anything, the haziness in my mind was worse.

I got up, threw out my underwear and hopped in the shower. Somewhere in between washing my hair and face I realized that Blaine and I were still fighting. Once again I couldn't bring myself to really...care. I would see Blaine at breakfast and maybe everything would get fixed out.

When I got down to the dining hall Blaine was waiting at our table with a coffee. I had to walk past Anthony to get there, but I avoided his eyes, not wanting to see what kind of emotion was lying in them. When I got to Blaine he jumped up from his chair and threw his arms around me. I barely returned the gesture.

"Oh Kurt! I felt so terrible after our fight yesterday...I know you don't need me telling you how to live your life and hey, if you want to date Anthony then go for it." I almost cringed at the mention of Anthony but managed to stay still. Blaine didn't need to know about what had happened last night. I didn't need him to think I was any weaker than he probably already thought.

"I don't think I'll be going out with...him, again. But, thank you." Blaine raised an eyebrow at me, but after seeing the look on my face he must have decided to drop it. That was fine by me; I wanted to think about last night as little as possible.

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><p>It had been a week since what had happened with Anthony. Blaine was starting to get worried about me, I could tell, but I still couldn't <em>feel <em>anything. The gray tones that had surrounded the outside edges of my vision before were taking over anything. I was having trouble seeing colors; the grays seemed to be the only things that made sense anymore.

I was shaving the short stubble on my face when my hand jerked. I dropped my razor and the blade shattered, sending the sharp pieces of metal everywhere. I sunk to my knees to pick them up, wondering if the greyness would ever leave, when I sliced my finger.

Instantly colors flooded my brain, chasing out the haziness and leaving clarity in its wake. I suddenly remembered what had happened last week as well, when Anthony's ring had cut my eyebrow. I had felt the clarity then too. Was that all it took? A little cut to feel again? I had always heard about cutting and how it was bad but this couldn't be bad. How could it be bad when I felt_ so damn good?_

I took the razor blade and rolled up my sleeve, placing the sharp edge across my wrist. I took a deep breath and pulled slowly, watching as blood pooled from the cut and OH! This was the clearest I had seen in a month! There were no grays, not fuzziness, just bright colors and clearness.

And then I was hooked.

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><p>I was cutting all the time now. So much that I was running out of room on my arms, short little lines working their way up the insides of arms. Every morning as soon as I woke up I would run to my bathroom and take out my razor. I would hold it to my arm and my fingers would start shaking with anticipation. Sometimes I got so excited I would have to put down my razor and come back later. It was most definitely the best part of each and every day.<p>

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><p>Blaine could tell that something was up, I knew it. I saw the way his eyes looked at my arms and sometimes when he thought I wasn't looking, I would see that look of deep concern pass across his face, but I was too far in to quit now. It was like heroine, I had finally found my clarity and I wasn't going to let go of it for any reason. I placated Blaine with excuses of being too tired when I had gone too long without a cut. When he asked why I always wore my sleeves down I told him I got cold easily. I didn't even really eat anymore. The food in my stomach messed with how well I felt the clarity after a cut, so when Blaine asked why I wasn't eating...I told him I had stomach flu. I knew I was pushing it, but this was something that I wasn't willing to give up.<p>

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><p>I was late. OH SHIT! I was really late. I ran to my bathroom and combed my hair, not really caring how it looked. I had stopped caring about appearances when I had started cutting. Speaking of which, I went to pull out my razor but my phone trilled at me. I huffed and stomped to my bedside table and saw that it was a message from Wes; he was calling a mandatory Warbler's meeting before breakfast. Whatever, it's not like I really ate anymore anyways; I could just skip this breakfast like I had all week. I looked at the time and saw that if I wanted to make the meeting I would have to leave right now. I ran out the door, temporarily forgetting about the haziness that was sure to come.<p>

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><p>It was around lunch when I really began to notice. I could barely even function; in fact, at one point I had actually tried to put mustard on my salad. I couldn't take it anymore; I needed to get to my room, like...now. I stood up abruptly, almost knocking my chair over in the process. The Warbler's that we sitting with me, including Blaine, just stared at me. I excused myself and quickly walked towards the dorms.<p>

If I had been careful I would have seen Blaine rising from his seat and following after me.

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><p>Stupid fucking key! It wasn't fitting in the lock and I <em>needed<em> to get into my room. I felt my legs give out from underneath me and I collapsed against the door, banging my fist against it weakly. I heard footsteps and then saw a pair of hazel eyes crouched down beside me.

"Kurt?" I could hear the worry in Blaine's voice, let alone see it in his eyes. "Kurt, what's wrong?"

"You have to...let me in...To my room..." My voice sounded so weak, and my hand was visibly shaking when I handed Blaine my key. Blaine snatched the key out of my hand and shoved it into the lock; his hands were shaking now too.

Finally he got the door unlocked and opened, and by that time I thought I was going to die. I wasn't thinking clearly at all. The haziness had almost taken over my brain, turning my annoying grays to shocking blacks every once in a while. Blaine picked me up and headed towards my bed. That snapped me out of the blackness pretty quickly.

"No no no. I need to go to the bathroom." I was pleading, I knew I sounded desperate but I needed this _so_ badly. I looked up into Blaine's face and saw one triangular eyebrow arch towards the ceiling. Despite his obvious hesitance he walked over towards the bathroom. When we got over to the door of the bathroom Blaine just stood there holding me.

"Set me down...I'll be fine." Blaine's eyes were wide all of a sudden. He set me down on my feet gently and whoa...there was the dizziness. I grabbed onto Blaine's shoulder to steady myself, only letting go once I was sure I would stay upright.

"Kurt...you're so light..." Blaine whispered the words with a look of...terror maybe, in his eyes. I almost rolled my eyes. I was going to pass out; I didn't have time for this.

"I've got to go to the bathroom Blaine, I'll be right back." I walked into the bathroom quickly, stumbling a little as I swung the door shut. If I had had even a little clarity left I may have thought about locking the door behind me, but my clarity was gone, gone, gone. The only thing that mattered now was getting my little slice of heaven. I started to giggle at my clever little joke. The laughing stopped however when I saw my razor, waiting for me like always. I grabbed it off the counter where it had been left this morning, and pushed up my sleeve hastily.

I felt a little chill of anticipation run up my spine. My legs started to shake and my hands followed suit. I placed the sharp razor on my wrist and pushed it in. I sighed in relief when I saw a little pool of blood flow out of my skin. I was starting to see colors already. I was just about to drag my razor across my wrist when Blaine pounded on the door.

"Kurt! Are you alright in there?" The sudden sound shocked me, causing me to pull the razor deeper than I had intended. Blood started to rush out of my skin, flowing freely into the sink.

"I'm fine Blaine, I..." I collapsed, my knees crashing into the cupboard under the sink. I think I may have screamed out in pain, but I was kind of paying attention to the blood that was still pouring out of my arm.

I heard the door open, but, once again, couldn't bring myself to care...that is until I heard Blaine screaming.

"Kurt! What happened? Oh my God, you're bleeding, Kurt why won't you stop bleeding!" The blackness was starting to set in and wait...It wasn't supposed to be black, I was supposed to be able to see. The edges of my vision closed in more and more, but I cared less and less. Then Blaine was right in front of me, staring into my eyes. I vaguely noticed that he was speaking to me, but I couldn't understand the words being said.

"You have such pretty eyes." I whispered the words weakly, staring into beautiful hazel eyes that were looking at me with concern for some reason...then everything went black.

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><p>I woke up in a white room with tubes in my skin. I tried to grab at them but strong hands came and grabbed mine, pinning them to my side. There was shouting and bright lights and restraints and I was so <em>scared.<em> What was going on! I heard one voice above all the others and it brought instant calm. A deep voice, sultry and smooth, weaving its way in and out of all the others to bring...clarity. Well that was unexpected. I blacked out again after that.

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><p>I woke up again after an undeterminable amount of time, but there was that voice again, this time right beside me, talking to me.<p>

"You could have told me...I could have helped you. God, Kurt I was such an idiot. I should have noticed when you stopped eating, I should have noticed when you started wearing your sleeves down. You know, after the ambulance took you away I saw Anthony. He was with his stupid friends and as I walked by I heard him say something about you. I hung back and just about died. Why did you _tell_ me he did that? I've always been there for you haven't I? When did you stop trusting me...?"

I felt so terrible. All this time I had thought that I'd only been affecting me, but now I was affecting Blaine too. It was obvious that he thought I was still asleep. I felt like I could die, I had caused so much trouble. I needed to make this right.

"I never stopped trusting you..." The words came out raspy and cracked, my voice wrecked from disuse. "I stopped seeing clearly."

"Kurt! You're awake! I should go get your dad; he's just right outside..." He started to walk away but I grabbed his hand before he could get too far.

"No!" He looked startled at me outburst, but I couldn't see my dad, not yet. I didn't think I could bear the look of worry that was sure to be in his eyes. "Could you just...stay with me for a bit? I want...I need to tell someone." Blaine sat back down, seeming to know what I meant instantly

And so I told him. I told him that it all started with Karofsky. I told him about the blackness and the shades of gray that had taken over my life. I told him about what had happened with Anthony and how everything had gotten so much worse after that. I could see Blaine clenching his eyes shut but I kept barrelling on, this wasn't for him so much as it was for me. I told him about how the cutting had made the grays go away, about how much I craved to see in color, about how, after a while, I just couldn't stop myself anymore.

I ended my story in tears saying the same word over and over again. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Blaine just wrapped his arms around my tiny frame and held me. It felt like he was holding me together, preventing me from completely falling apart. It felt...nice. And there was the clarity again. I just about shook right out of Blaine's arms.

"Kurt what's wrong?" Blaine's voice was tinged with alarm. I smiled for what felt like the first time in years. I reached up one bony hand and placed it on his cheek, gazing into his eyes and trying to count the gold flecks in them.

"Nothing, did you know you make the greyness go away too?" Blaine's head tilted to the side, a look of obvious wonder on his face. I chuckled to myself, feeling my body start to shut down from exhaustion again. "Wish I would have figured that out earlier." And I fell into blackness again, but this time I welcomed it.

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><p>A week went by before I was allowed to leave the hospital. Apparently they were keeping me under suicide watch, which I rolled my eyes at. I didn't want to die, I just wanted to see. I hadn't had to ask Blaine to come back to the hospital. When I had told him that he made the gray's go away he started to show up every day without fail. I felt myself starting to feel again, and it felt good.<p>

The talk with my dad was something I had been dreading, but it happened nonetheless. There was crying and shouted questions and angry replies and words that were said but not meant. But us Hummel's always stuck together, and we figured it out. I would go see a therapist for a while, just until we got this figured out for good. Finn and I became closer throughout the whole ordeal. He had been so angry at me that I hadn't told him what was happening. He assured me that the words he said to me at the wedding were true and that I could come to him with anything. It warmed my heart to know that I had a true brother.

And now I was standing in my dorm room, getting ready to go out for coffee with Blaine. We had been spending a lot more time together, going out to coffee and movies, but we weren't dating. Just two friends having fun. I'm pretty sure he knew how I felt about him though, how could he not? I pretty much told him that I needed him to live, and even though he hadn't done anything about it I wasn't too concerned. We would talk about it when the time came.

I went to my bathroom and opened the drawer. I saw my little razor sitting there. No, I hadn't thrown it out; it wasn't something I wanted to forget. I didn't want to ignore and bury the intense pain I had been in. So there my little razor sat, unused, right beside my bottle of antidepressant pills. My therapist had said that I had to take one every morning until I could wake up without the grays clouding my vision, so for the mean time I was taking pills.

A heard a soft knock at me door. I popped the pill I had taken out into my mouth, swallowing quickly. I opened the door with a bright smile.

"Hey Blaine!" Blaine just smiled back, holding something behind his back.

"Hey Kurt, do you mind if I come in for a bit before we go?" I looked at his with amused interest. What could he be doing? I moved aside, giving him passage into my room.

"Can we go sit on your bed?" I chuckled to myself, this kid was so weird.

"Of course, Blaine. You know you don't have to ask." I sat on my bed with Blaine coming to sit beside me, both of us turning to face one another. He took out what was behind his back and I would have laughed the look on Blaine's face didn't call for laughing.

"I was wondering if I could show you something..." I just smiled and nodded, staring into those gorgeous hazel eyes, waiting for him to start.

He started to play the opening chords and I immediately recognized the song. Blaine heard my gasp and chose to ignore it or was oblivious. He started to sing the words that I knew so well.

_Love of mine someday you will die._

_But I'll be close behind,_

_I'll follow you into the dark._

I was swaying to the music, my eyes closed in my efforts to just listen to the music.

_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white_

_Just our hands clasped so tight_

_Waiting for the hint of a spark_

_If heaven and Hell decide_

_That they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO'S on their vacancy signs_

Blaine's voice surrounded me, making me fell warm inside and safe, so safe. I never wanted to leave this room.

_If there's no one beside you _

_When your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule_

_I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black_

_And I held my tongue as she told me_

"_Song fear is the heart of love"_

_So I never went back_

Tears were starting to form in the corners of my eyes. This song, of course Blaine would pick this song. I hadn't even told Blaine, but this was the song that I would listen to on repeat those few horrible weeks when I had been lost in the blackness. All I had wanted was to see, all I had wanted was for someone to say they knew how I felt, or at they were there for me.

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_That they both are satisfied _

_Illuminate the NO'S on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

I was almost sobbing by now, but Blaine didn't look like he was going to stop. He looked as if he needed to get this out. He kept strumming and singing, his voice sending shivers up my spine.

_You and me have seen everything to see_

_From Bangkok to Calgary_

_And the soles of your shoes are all worn down_

_The time for sleep is now_

_It's nothing to cry about_

"_Cause we'll hold each other soon_

_In the blackest of rooms_

Blaine hit the higher note perfectly, his voice softening so much that it felt like a caress, his eyes glued to me. The song was coming to a close and I found myself wishing that it would never end, that this would never end. If I could just keep Blaine here for forever I would never be sad again.

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_That they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO'S on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you _

_When your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

Blaine's hands stilled on his guitar, the only sound in the room was the sound of our breathing. I was still crying a little, but the tears were subsiding. Blaine, however, was the first to speak.

"Kurt, what I just was true. I feel horrible that I didn't notice when you started to fall into the dark. I should have known." I tried to interrupt him but he just held up his hand. "Let me finish." He took a deep breath and started to talk once more. "I've known that you were special from the moment I saw you on that staircase, and after that you just kept proving it to me. You're strong, Kurt. And the fact that someone made you feel otherwise makes me want to kill that someone." His voice was getting harsher, like he was crying, but no tears were forming in his eyes.

"This is my promise to you, Kurt, that no matter how bad it gets I'll always be there for you. I want you to be able to tell me everything, no matter how bad. This is me saying that I'll follow you Kurt; I'll always be with you, if that's what you want. This is me telling you that...I love you Kurt Hummel."

Blaine finally broke eye contact, choosing to stare at the bed instead. My breathing stuttered. I hadn't been expecting that...at all. The boy I was in love with had just told me he loved me! I opened and closed my mouth, grasping for something to say. The words came to me a moment later and I smiled.

I grabbed Blaine's chin gently and brought his head up so that his eyes could meet mine. I leaned in closely so that I would be whispering right in his ear.

"And I'll follow you into the dark." I pulled my head back and looked at Blaine's face, wanting to see his reaction. His eyes opened widely in shock then a smile settled on his face. We leaned closer and closer until our lips were almost meeting.

"I love you, too." I breathed, and our lips met, exploding the area around us in the brightest of blues and purples, yellows winding their way around us. And in that moment I knew, everything was going to be fine; I had someone that would chase the darkness.

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><p><em>[AN]: So...I am not gonna lie I freaking love this little one-shot! And I think that's the most important thing as a writer, because if I don't like it, how do I expect anyone else to like it? Anyways I heard this song playing in a movie I went to last night, Friends With Benefits, and after I heard it I couldn't even focus on the movie anymore...This little ficlet just took over my entire brain. So I got home and started writing and fell asleep at 3AM! I woke up and started writing all over again and I haven't stopped once yet :) but I'm sure y'all don't want to hear my babbling so I'll let you all go on reading. Just so we're clear there, I am thinking about writing a little epilougue and maybe some parts in Blaine's point of view...so stick around for that! As always you can mind me on Tumblr at forevermusically. tumblr. com (remove the spaces)...and yeah... I LOVE YOU ALL!_

_XOXO  
>DOTCI :)<em>


	2. Epilogue

_[A/N]: So here is the epilogue to Chasing the Darkness! I don't really know why this idea spoke to me in such volumes, but once it got stuck in my head I couldn't leave it alone. I have loved this mini-journey and love all of you who have taken the time to read this! A quick suggestion, when writing the "Firework" bit I listened to the Christina Grimmie cover of the song, so if you want to full experience listen to that version :) Also, I may still write some of the first chapter in Blaine's point of view, but it all depends on how many people actually would like to read something like that so shoot me a line if you're interested!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Glee... :(_

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><p>"Blaine, you have got to stop this!" Blaine just sat there holding the slice of greasy pizza in my face. I tried to push his hand away but he just brought it back. "Blaine! Do I look like I'm wasting away to you?" Blaine finally lowered his hand and set the pizza back on his plate.<p>

"No, but you haven't eaten yet today and you need to eat." A small smile graced my face. This boy was crazy.

"Blaine, I told you I ate a huge supper last night. And I'm having another huge supper tonight. I need to save room for all the delicious food that's going to be coming my way." Blaine laughed slightly and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"Alright, alright I believe you." I felt him sigh against my shoulder, and once again I wished with all my heart that we could just forget what had happened six months ago. As easy as it had been to drop some thirty odd pounds in a couple of months, it was proving to be much more difficult to put it back on. I still couldn't eat that much, if I tried to over feed myself I would just throw it back up minutes later. So it was a slow process, adjusting my body to eating three square meals a day.

But if you asked me what the worst part of all of it was, I would answer that it was Blaine's attentiveness. I hated how he felt I was breakable, and I loathed that he worried about me. I let out a sigh of my own.

"I'm doing really well you know?" Blaine just hummed, wanting me to elaborate. "I've gained fifteen pounds." Blaine smiled and it warmed my heart.

"I'm glad you're finally starting to get better." I could understand where his happiness came from. Ever since my hospitalization I had been in and out of the Lima Memorial. They wanted me to gain the weight back, and then I was gaining the wrong kind of weight. They had explained to me that I wasn't supposed to gorge myself, but I had found that out on my own – after throwing up then dry heaving for hours after eating a whole pan of brownies myself.

"It's taking forever, Blaine." My words came out in a whisper. I wanted to be well...badly. I wasn't allowed to work out anymore, which was something that had helped me with stress before I had turned to cutting. None of my clothes fit me anymore; everything was too loose and didn't fit how it was supposed to, making me look trashy...which I hated.

Blaine's hand reached up to brush my cheek. "I know...you've just got to be patient, and keep eating right." I sighed one last time and decided that I had had enough self-pity for one day. I stood up from my chair at the table and held out my hand. Blaine took it without hesitation, and I pulled him towards the door.

I took off down the street with Blaine trying his hardest to keep up. I stopped immediately when we made it to the park. I dropped Blaine's hand and just stood there with a huge smile on my face. Without even thinking I threw my head back and laughed, and not the laugh that I so often did to those around. No, I laughed loud and deep, the joy practically coming off of me in waves.

I had played on this park often as a child, running around and screaming with all the other kids in my neighbourhood – before they stopped playing with me. I stopped laughing and looked at Blaine – beautiful, kind Blaine. He was looking at me as if I was crazy...and maybe I was. The antidepressants I was on gave me some minor mood swings, but I never resented the happy ones. I had had too much sadness in my life to ever take being happy for granted.

I walked over to Blaine slowly, trying to stay calm enough for him to stay still. Once I was within touching distance I reached two hands out in front of me and pushed on his chest.

"TAG! You're it!" I ran away squealing like a toddler, climbing up on top of the jungle gym. For a moment I thought that Blaine wasn't following me, but a quick check over my shoulder showed me that he was following me, and was hot on my heels. I screamed again and went across the monkey bars, hoping to get back my lead. Blaine, however, was much smaller than me and manoeuvred the equipment with impressive skill. I was only able to stay away from him for a couple minutes before he cornered me.

I felt like a kid again. I felt terror in my chest, but not actual terror of course. It was the kind of terror when you knew you were going to be caught and there was absolutely no way out of it. Blaine held his hands out in front of him, fingers curled into claws and growled at me. I squirmed into the corner, trying uselessly to get away from him. He leaped forward and landed right in front of me, but didn't touch me.

He crept closer and closer until our noses brushed past each other. I could feel his breath spread across my face and felt my heart speed up. Blaine closed the distance between us and captured my lips with his. It wasn't a heated kiss; it was chaste and warm and perfect. Blaine pulled back and whispered against my lips.

"You're it..." I giggled and lightly smacked his shoulder.

"Cheater." Blaine scoffed and placed a hand on his chest, faking outrage.

"Nowhere in the rules of tag does it say what you have to tag the person with! Nowhere Kurt!" I just laughed once more and grabbed his arm.

"Fine. You win...this time." We walked back to my house arm in arm, knowing that better days were on their way.

* * *

><p>It was raining out, and not just raining a little. There was raining smacking against the windows, violently falling in torrents. I sat by the window wondering how this day could get any worse.<p>

Blaine was supposed to come over today, but he had called this morning telling me that he was no longer able to make it. I had told him that I understood but what else was I supposed to say? Tell him that he _had_ to come see me? Yeah, maybe not. So I was sitting by the window, watching the rain fall on the one day that was supposed to be sunny and warm. The New Directions were going to have a Fourth of July barbeque tonight but it had been cancelled due to the horrible weather.

My thoughts to drift and I felt myself dozing off, my head resting on the cool window. I don't know how long I slept but when I opened my eyes the rain had stopped, the sun shining brilliantly instead. I smiled slightly; maybe today wasn't going to be so bad after all. At that moment my trilled at me, indicating that I had a text message. I looked at the text and a huge smile broke out across my face.

_From: Mercedes  
>Hey boo the bbq's back on for tonight! Can't wait to see you ;)<em>

I ran up to his room, wanting to get dressed and ready to go as quickly as possible. I left the house in record time, only taking an hour to get completely ready.

When I arrived at Mercedes' house I was greeted warmly by all my friends, hugs were given freely and laughs were exchanged. We sat in Mercedes back yard, eating burgers and sipping coolers. It was getting late enough for fireworks and we all decided to walk down the street to the park, where the show would be taking off.

We were just about to leave Mercedes back yard when Finn grabbed my arm and drug me into the house.

"Finn! What is wrong with you?" Finn just looked like he was dying slowly.

"Umm...I need help...with Rachel...yeah. Rachel." I raised an eyebrow at my romantically awkward brother. This boy needed to read some magazines or something. I spun off into a list of things that could possibly help him with his demanding – yet endearing – girlfriend. When I had finally stopped talking Finn just nodded and drug me back out into the yard. Honestly, this kid was so _weird_.

What I wasn't expecting to see what my boyfriend, sitting on a bench in front of a piano. He waved sheepishly at me once he saw my jaw drop. I couldn't even understand what was happening. What had happened to not being able to make it tonight?

"So...um...we've been dating for almost seven months, so this is for you Kurt..." I raised my eyebrows in shock; this kid was going to _sing_ to me? In front of everyone? I didn't have any more time to think about what exactly my crazy boyfriend was doing, as he had started to play. I recognized the song the moment his fingers pressed the keys, and smiled. That boy and his Katy Perry.

_Do you ever feel_

_Like a plastic bag_

_Drifting through the wind_

_Wanting to start again_

_Do you ever feel_

_Feel so paper thin_

_Like a house of cards _

_One blow from caving in_

I felt my lips curl up into a smile. How did Blaine always manage to find the perfect song to show he knew exactly what I was feeling. They past six and a half months had been hard on me and hard on our relationship at times. There were times when I no longer wanted to fight, the days when I just wanted to give up and lie in bed. There had been times when I had pushed Blaine away, not wanting to contaminate him with my black moods. But Blaine never left me alone, he was always there doing his best to make me feel better, and never leaving even if I asked him to.

_Do you ever feel_

_Already buried deep_

_Six feet under screams_

_But no one seems to hear a thing_

_Do you know that there's _

_Still a chance for you_

_If there's a spark in you_

_You just gotta ignite the light_

_And let it shine_

_Just own the night _

_Like the fourth of July_

'_Cause baby you're a firework_

_Come on show 'em what you're worth_

_Make 'em go oh, oh, oh_

_As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

_Baby you're a firework_

_Come on let your colors burst_

_Make 'em go oh, oh, oh_

_You're gonna leaving fallin' down_

I just gazed at Blaine, watching him through his entire being into the song. Watching Blaine perform had become one of my favourite things. He was all emotion and passion and there was this burning fire in his eyes that I only ever saw when he looked at me, like, _really_ looked at me. I fell more and more in love with him every time I watched him sing, he was glorious and an amazing performer.

_Boom, boom, boom_

_Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon_

_It's always been inside of you, you, you_

_And now it's time to let it through_

'_Cause baby you're a firework_

_Come on show 'em what you're worth_

_Make 'em go oh, oh, oh_

_As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

_Baby you're a firework_

_Come on let you're colors burst_

_Make 'em go oh, oh, oh_

_You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down_

The second Blaine had finished the song I ran up to him, throwing my arms around his neck. I pulled back and lightly smacked his shoulder.

"You told me you were busy today!" Blaine just gently laughed and buried his nose into my hair.

"I was busy; I've been practicing this all day." I rolled my eyes and pulled completely away from him.

"Well thank you, I loved it." Blaine looked into my eyes, as if trying to portray every emotion he was feeling through his amber depths.

"Well I love you..." I giggled and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the gate. Everyone around us was laughing and smiling, and I realized that they all must have known that Blaine was coming. I glared at Finn as we walked by, knowing full well now that he hadn't actually been worried about Rachel.

I ran ahead with Blaine to the park, wanting to get good seats for the show. We ended up lying down on a hill, holding hands and looking up at the sky. I turned my head to look at him and saw that he was staring at me. I moved closer to him, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. We were both quiet after that, neither one of us feeling the need to fill up the silence with conversation.

Blaine ran his thumb along my wrist, catching my scar even now and again. Most of the cuts had disappeared after a few months, but my final cut had been much deeper than the others and now I had a little red scar running the width of my wrist. I didn't resent it being there, just like how I had kept my razor; the scar reminded me of what I had gone through. That it had been real and the feelings I had had were real too. I saw the scar as something that made me stronger, and knew that Blaine felt the same way.

I smiled as the first firework exploded into the sky. This was perfect; this was us. Songs and gentle kisses, holding hands and loving looks; this was all I needed, now and forever.

* * *

><p>I was freaking out. I hadn't been this nervous since moving out to go to New York. Blaine was supposed to have met me at our favourite coffee shop but was now a half hour late. Blaine was never late for anything without good reason. So I sat there with my coffee, not drinking it but choosing to stare into its brown depths instead. Finally I received a text from Blaine.<p>

_From: Blaine  
>Hey I got held up at work, can you meet me in Times Square... I need to talk to you.<em>

My eyes instantly clouded with tears. This was it, after almost five years of dating Blaine was going to break up with me. He had finally gotten bored and decided to move on. I held my breath and willed my tears to stop flowing. If this was going to happen I wanted to be strong. I didn't want Blaine to see me cry.

I walked briskly to Times Square, just wanting to get the heartbreak over with. I saw Blaine standing on the stairs looking out at the people that passed by. I walked up to him and greeted him silently. I saw his face light up and was instantly confused. He didn't even look sad...was he really that happy to be rid of me? I was suddenly distracted by music; loud, familiar music. I noticed that the entire square below his gone still, everyone that had been walking around was standing ramrod straight.

Without warning all the people below us started to dance in time with the music. I finally noticed the words that were being sung.

_Let's go all the way tonight_

_No regrets, just love_

_We can dance until we die_

_You and I will be young forever_

_You make me _

_Feel like I'm living a teenage dream_

_The way you turn me on_

_I can't sleep _

_Let's run away and don't ever look back_

_Don't ever look back_

_My heart stops_

_When you look at me_

_Just one touch _

_Now baby I believe_

_This is real_

_So take a chance_

_And don't ever look back_

_Don't ever look back_

I felt a huge smile cross my face, how could I have even thought that Blaine would break up with me? What i was more concerned with now was why my boyfriend had hired a flash mob and was blaring our song throughout Times Square.

_I'm a get you heart racing_

_In my skin tight jeans_

_Be your teenage dream tonight_

_Let you put your hands on me_

_In my skin tight jeans _

_Be your teenage dream tonight_

The song came to a close and the dancers scattered, all going about their business. I turned my gaze to Blaine, but was unable to speak. This had been such a surprise and I was still trying to process it. I didn't get t a chance to talk though, as Blaine was grabbing my hands and dropping to his knees. I felt myself gasp at the action, my mind reeling. I was barely able to listen to the words coming out of Blaine's mouth.

"Kurt, you're all I've ever wanted. You are my today and my tomorrow. My past, present, and future. I want to wake up every morning and be able to hold you in my arms and tell you that I love you. You are my teenage dream, from the moment I met you on that staircase at Dalton. I want to watch you become the most successful designer in all of New York and I want you to be there when I accept my first Grammy. I want to be always by your side, always be able to hold your hand and call you mine. Kurt Hummel, will you marry me?" Blaine brought out a Tiffany's box and flicked it open with a flourish. It was a simple silver band with three diamonds embedded in it. I just stared at it, jaw slack. I saw that Blaine's face was started to change from its smile into a slight frown and I realized that I hadn't yet answered him.

"Of course I'll marry you!" I began to jump up and down, unable to contain my excitement. Blaine stood up and wrapped his arms around me, twirling me around while laughing. He set me down and let go, only holding onto my left hand. He took the ring out of the box and brought it to my finger. I smiled softly when I saw the inscription on the inside.

In tiny cursive the words _"I will follow you into the dark" _were written, winding their way in a complete circle. I felt tears spring to my eyes as Blaine slipped the ring on. I immediately attacked his lips, crushing mine against his, trying my hardest to show him exactly how I felt.

After what felt like only a few seconds we both pulled back, resting our foreheads against one another. Blaine whispered in my head, making sure only I heard him.

"On the day that we started to date I sang you a song..." I smiled at him, I knew that song. Next to Teenage Dream it was my favourite song that Blaine had ever sung me.

"I remember." Blaine brought his fingers to rest over my wrists, his thumb ghosting over my reminder of my darkest times.

"I meant every word. Kurt, no matter how bad it gets, I will never leave you. I will always follow you into the dark." I sighed and pulled my head back, wanting to look into my boyf..._fiancés_... gold-flecked eyes.

I almost fell into the depths of the amber eyes in front of me. This boy was my everything, and I knew I would love him until the day that I died. I remembered what I had thought after he had sung to me all the years ago. I had thought that I had finally found someone to chase away my demons. I had never told Blaine just how much he had saved me from myself. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to show every emotion I was feeling though my eyes.

"Blaine, you chase my darkness."

* * *

><p><em>[AN]: So there you have it! This chapter was all pretty much fluff and I enjoyed writing it to no end :) I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! Remember to review if you want to see come parts of the first chapter in Blaine's view!_


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